Chemo days are tough. It requires me to find a sitter for my son who is 1 year old. And take a 6 hour road trip to get my dose of ‘the cure’. I have a little bag that I take, it has ginger water, numbing creme (for my port), chewing gum, thick socks, my iPad, and a small calendar. After my 3rd chemotherapy treatment I would get very nauseated when my port was flushed. The taste of saline water in my mouth immediately made me want to vomit. However, if you chew gum before they flush your port, you will not taste the saline. I apply numbing creme to my port about an hour before my appointment so I do not feel the poke when they prep my port for chemotherapy.

My 1st chemotherapy drug was Adriamycin and the 2nd drug was Taxol.  My doctor sais that most people tolerate Taxol better.  I was bald, with dark circles under my eyes, dry skin, purple fingers and toes, and fatigue…..I took her comment with a grain of salt.  I didn’t know what ‘better’ would look like. Honestly, it could only get better from my current state.

I can see why some people tolerate Taxol better. However, it does come with its own problems.  Issue 1- bone pain. The bone pain is so bad that I cannot stand without immense pain.  Walking is intolerable for me.  My eyelashes and eye brows fell out after 2 administrations of this drug.  If you think nothing is worse than having a bad head–Try having a bald face and head! This is the worse. Water run in my eyes when I shower, air pollutants get in my eyes, and my eyes are constantly dry. The neuropathy has started and is constant. The neuropathy combined with Taxol makes my pain constant. I do not eat, I do not sleep….. But, I survive!!

The bone pain made it difficult to stand. Walking was tolerable but I did not do it unless necessary. I have to get used to the wheelchair.  After chemo, I need a chair, and for daily routines the pain is bad, and I need a wheelchair.  I went from jogging 5 miles a day to needing a wheelchair in record time. There is still a part of me that is in denial about this all. Is this really happening.  The reality is too great to think about.

It was also during the administration of this drug that I cried constantly and did not want to receive any more chemotherapy. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live the life I had. Chemotherapy was a very difficult time for me. Having a small child made it much more challenging.  It is most important to be surrounded by loved ones.  Surround yourself with people who will make you feel loved and supported.  And most of all, be humble! Its OK because this stage in your life will pass.

My chemo days caused me to be a different person. I am now more humble, creative and thoughtful.  I never take anything for granted. Each morning I wake up, I see it was one more day in this glorious life. AND, I am acutely aware that everybody didn’t get the chance to wake up this morning.  I make sure to spend quality time with my son. I also spend time outside. I walk in the wilderness, walk on the beach, and star gaze at night.  Do whatever you need to so that you can find some appreciation in the day that God has given you.

Tips & Tricks: I would seriously get into some type of daily spiritual prayer practices. Yoga, Meditation, something that will allow the mind and body to stay one. Visualization is great while getting chemo. Take a photo book with you to chemo and look at old photos, journal, or what your favorite shows.  We don’t know who will beat this disease. There is no way of telling if you are one of the lucky ones, but you have to live while you are alive.  Make the best of what you have. I can say that–because I have been there! While shopping at a very populated outlet mall I saw a very young lady completely bald with a mask on. When I saw her I could only think of the courage and confidence it took for her to come to such a populated place when she obviously had cancer.

#thefightneverends #breastcancerawareness #thisislife