When I began treatment for cancer I assumed that I would loose my hair. Initially I was not concerned about hair loss. Whenever I thought about loosing hair, I would think about loosing my life. Loosing some hair was worth saving my life any day of the week. It became a way for me to thrive while going through treatment. Adrymiacin caused my hair to fall about 10 days after chemotherapy. I was bald in no time flat. I wore a scarf to cover my head and I still looked normal. My second chemotherapy drug caused me to loose my hair, eye brows, eye lashes, and put me in constant pain. My advise for coping with this is to listen to your body. If you feel tired, lay down. If you feel hungry try and eat. Don’t worry about your appearance or weight. Those are not the things that matter. Your life is what counts.
I am approximately 1 year and 6 months from my last chemotherapy treatment. My hair did change. It came back with a looser curl pattern and it is much thicker than before. People often say it feels like baby hair. I do not advise braids or weaves of women who are recovering from chemotherapy because the hair is so fragile. Let it grow and do its own thing. Life is good–Any hair is good!
While going through chemotherapy I rarely removed my scarf from my head. It became a security blanket for me. I would even bathe with it on. There are times when I walk by the mirror and could not recognize my own reflection. There are dark circles around my eyes, I have no hair, eyelashes, or eyebrows. My skin is dark, dry and my body is weak. It was around this time when I began to doubt if chemotherapy was worth it. If I were going to die I didn’t want to die with an unrecognizeable physical appearance.
There are some days I am unable to get out of bed. I hurt in every way imaginable. While on the chemotherapy drug taxol I would not walk. The effects of the drug on my lower body made it painful to stand or walk. I had a “friend” come over and make suggestions to me about how to walk. At this time, my finger nails and toenails are black. I an unable to use my right arm very much. My weight is slightly higher because of the steroids. And, I am riddled with fatigue. I think my friend believed me to be exaggerating my pain. When in fact, I didn’t want visitors because I could not put on a brave face. I was hurting and I could not fake it.
My hair did return. However, it regrew at a slow rate. I had to maintain my chemo appearance for several months after chemo. I still don’t have much hair but I go out in public anyways. I did have chemo curls! And, I love them. It gives me the confidence to leave the house occasionally. I also experiment with hair products and try to enjoy my new look. Because of an oil mixture suggested to me by a Moffitt phlebotomist I was able to get my eyebrows to return quickly.
I used a combination of coconut oil, vitamin e oil, and olive oil on my eyebrows. They came back quickly! AND THICK!!
Months after chemotherapy I venture to the mall with my family. A little girl walks over to me and said ‘You don’t have any hair’. Her mom was so ashamed. But before the mom could jump in, a little boy looks at me and sais ‘well, she has a little bit’. I tell the small children that I am sick and the medicine I take makes my hair fall out. They seem intriguied. The mom has tears in her eyes. I hug her and tell her that I am getting better. I stayed in for a while because I needed to recover from that incident. With so much emphasis on female beauty I really felt inferior without my hair. There are some people who can rock their bald heads without a problem. Others, like myself, struggle with their new post chemo appearance. My body went through quite a few changes so I had to adjust and give myself a pep talk each time I went out.
These photos begin 2 weeks post chemotherapy. I have dates on most. My last chemotherapy was December 3rd.
In closing, I want to say that the hair loss is usually temporary. But, how you feel about yourself and how you think can be permanent. Take control over the things you can. Do what makes you feel good. Remove all negative people from your circle. Don’t let your hair define how you feel. Look at photos of yourself and remember what you looked like with hair. If it helps, do put on make up, fake lashes, wear dark colors on your nails or wear wigs!! Whatever helps you get through the time. Hold your head high and Pray! You are still you, without or without cancer, with or without hair! Love yourself.
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